I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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