Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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