I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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