in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
