how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
