I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
