Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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