I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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