Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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