the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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