how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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