My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
