You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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