Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pants are for mortals
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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