Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
