She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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