I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
