i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
