I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
