recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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