What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
