I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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