If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
