Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
