we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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