i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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