I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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