How's work?
Spinning.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Still dying that you shit outside
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My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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