I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
