If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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