he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
