I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
