Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
