Kiss
Puke
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I did not marry a roomba.
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