how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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