My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
