you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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