just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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