i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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