i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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