i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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