dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
