I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
