I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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