you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
