I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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