somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
