apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
