went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I didn't notice because vodka
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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