glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
