She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
