Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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