I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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