these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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