Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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