There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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