i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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