If i come over, it means nothing
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
