this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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