In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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