I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
