i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
