I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I did not marry a roomba.
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