There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
