Cold hands, warm shart.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
