Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
