He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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