Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
