i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
