I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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