Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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