I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
