Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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