Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
