i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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