i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
