You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
