I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
