Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
