READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
