i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
