Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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