I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
